no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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