I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
