as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
