i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
