i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
