from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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