I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
