Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
