It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You dont lie about slip and slides
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
