I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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