Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
