You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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