Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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