If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
