OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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