at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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