Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
