I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
