M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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