Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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