I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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