A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
