she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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