dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
