All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
