can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
