and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Welp...herpes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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