He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
