very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
