the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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