i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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