dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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