mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
