There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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