ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
