i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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