wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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