its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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