Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
