remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
this hospital has no fireball
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
