Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
