I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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