I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
