Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
