Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
