She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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