I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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