Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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