It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
