I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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