What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
